contact     things     bucketlists
Underdog. Socially deviant. Experimentative.
Website counter

April 16th
6:19 pm


Hindi ko alam kung bakit takot ka o ayaw mo sa katotohanan. Nakakapagod tumakas ng tumakas sa iyong sariling katotohanan tapos magkikibit balikat ka nalang dito. Parang niloko mo nalang din ang sarili mo. Mahirap magbulag bulagan. Ang importante naman kasi ay yakapin mo ang katotohanan mo at itama ito. Kung nakakalungkot man, o masakit, e ayon iyon e, iyon iyong katotohanang ginawa mo, pero hindi ibig sabihin niyan ay definite na iyan. Kaya mong baguhin ang sarili mong katotohanan. Hindi ka puwedeng tumakbo ng tumakbo dahil nauubos din ang daan.

April 16th
5:56 pm
Anonymous: Nagpalit ka po ba ng cellphone number recently?

Hello! Yep! Nawala kasi iyong dating phone ko so may temporary cellphone number muna ako. Ito siya: 09175288308.

April 16th
5:32 pm
  1. If I tell you something, you would always get sad or get hurt. If I hide it, you would insist on asking me, and I want to be honest with you. I want to be honest with you so that we can make ourselves better, not because we just want to ponder ourselves on something negative forever.
  2. I tell things to you for you realize them, or if you want, accept them, but not because you just want to but because you are welcoming the idea to change to become better.
  3. Sometimes, I don’t know where to stand. If I say something, you become sensitive with it and you start thinking of it over and over again. I feel bad with that. I didn’t tell that because I want to hurt you.
  4. You just react on the negative things about you that I told you, but rarely on the good things. We need active acceptance alongside active actions to improve oneself, and not to ponder on a thought and treat it negatively over and over again.
  5. I really don’t know why you can’t understand me when I tell you things. It is either you would get pissed or you would render negative reaction to it. Isn’t it possible for us to peacefully settle it, accept what is wrong with us, and try to change it?

-5:31 p.m., Zakk Habitan

April 16th
4:47 pm
Anonymous: Then congrats to you. You haven't experienced one of life's complexities. You haven't experienced the pain and short joy of falling in love with the person you know you don't have a future with simply because they're somebody else's present and future. Congrats for not experiencing the feeling of being a fool in love in a sense that you're ready to do and be anything for that one person even if it means being that person's paramour & turn yourself into a selfish and uncaring person. I envy you.

I did, too, it’s just we experienced it not in the same degree, or in the same context, or in the same duration and the like. Indeed, I have also experienced the pain of love. It is just, I try not to be in a third party, and not to have any third parties in any relationship because ever since I have learned to imagine about love, I told myself that I would give all of myself to someone who would give all, too, in return. And I don’t know if I can really understand you, but what you said is really sad. It is like holding into something that you do not know until when you could hold it. Like you are padling on a water you do not know until when it would stay because sooner or later, the sun will claim its vapor again until it vanishes from you.

April 16th
4:42 pm
Anonymous: Gusto ko sanang magshare, last year sumali ako sa school publication namin, kaso hindi ako natanggap dahil sa palpak kong exam at interview kaya ayun parang nawalan na ako ng gana at confident, feeling ko hindi ako para sa pagsulat, feeling ko hindi ako para sa pag kuha ng litrato at feeling ko hindi ako para sa publication na yun... Nakakainis kase ang hina ng ulo ko, naiinggit nga ako sa mga nakapasa e. :(

Hello! Nako, iyan ang huwag na huwag mo hahayaang mangyari. Ang mawalang ng gana. At hindi pa katapusan ng iyong journalism career kung hindi ka man makapasok doon dahil marami pang dahilan at paraan para magsulat. In my part, high school pa lang, pumapalpak na ako parati sa school publication namin. Tapos, ngayong college naman, hindi ako natanggap sa isang writing organization sa school namin. Pero ayos lang, tuloy pa rin ang buhay. Magaling man ako o hindi, basta ang alam ko,gusto ko magsulat, at maghahanap ako ng paraan para makapagsulat pa. Sana ay nakatulong ito, at magandang hapon dear anon!

April 16th
4:13 pm


why are almost all teenage novels being transformed into movies??????? i mean there’s a whole lot of novels out there and i think only one out of a hundred can be transformed into a film because of the many limitations a film has. i don’t know but these producers and these people ugh i dont think they know why novels are novels and films are films and why these two forms of literature are different and why the two cannot always be equally beautiful and achievable. ugh. 


Because there are some producers who are for money and not for the art. Since, the book is a blockbuster hit, then, they’ll think, it’ll be also hit in the silver screen. IDK.


I hate to say this but that’s the truth. Nobody buys the real art anymore. Producers make art for art’s sake. Y’know, just for the mere sake of calling what they do and create as “art.” And this art for art’s sake is not just applicable in teenage novels transformed into movies, but to wattpad books replacing the classic novels in terms of popularity too. 

But the value is missing. It seems to me that nobody wants to learn the value of “values,” anymore. Literature is very contemporary. If there is a period we call golden age, then, there must be a counterpart for it. And I think we’re on that period right now. And I don’t know what to expect to our generation anymore.

Or I think I do, I’m just afraid  to admit it. Yes, the romantic teenagers have been awoken. 

But I’m calling out to the young blood who still have the passion to read and write like the classics. I know you’re there. Get out of your comfort zones, please. We need you to rise up again. 


And what’s worse? I am referring to the different forms of media in general and the media monopoly and the media as a business thing in our society. Media industries tend to just bite into literary products that relatively have lesser social value than the other products. They do this because they believe that their market, which is the masses, would consume it. Same old formula, same old impression, with new masks for the characters, and the places, and the names and whatever more. Of course, their primary target is the masses, primarily socioeconomic brackets CD, and they think that proving sophisticated media products that have more social impact or tackles issues and the like won’t be a top grosser for these target markets. Now, they compromise the value of literary works, whether film or programs or books, just to sell. Like what our media professors say, “hindi itinataas ang kalinangan at ang antas ng masang Pilipino.” I agree with that. We only feed the people the same old thing without thinking how it could emancipate them from their social restrictions and issues and problems instead of just proving an illusion for a temporary escape.

Okay, we can say that these media products are what the people really like, or want, but that does not equate to what they really need. I always think that there should always be a balance, in terms of the various media texts that are being produced, and its entertainment and social value.


And do you know what’s even sadder about this? The scope of the mass. The term “mass” was generally coined for the common people of the state, that is to be said, the class D in terms of economy. But the scope has changed. Hindi na nga yung mga naghihikahos ang scope ng masa eh. Yung mga intellectuals na. Those who have money to watch every film in the cinema. SIla na kasi yung mga may pera. Sila yung may kakayahang bumili ng PHP 180+ na ticket. Samantalang yung mga naghihikahos, itatago na lang yung pera para makaipon. 

At ang nakakalungkot, even if the mass consists now of the intellectuals, ang pinipili pa rin nilang panoorin ay yaong mga klase ng literatura na nagpapaka-“literatura” lang. Let’s talk about Praybeyt Benjamin, Vice Ganda, the Wattpad Era, Teenage Flick and everything else trending. 


First thing firsts. Bakit ang panget ng reblog feature ng texts ng Tumblr tulad ng discussion nito? Haha. Anyway, at least we are block quoting each other to avoid plagiarism. Oright.

So, going back. Ayon nga, I think ang masa na sinasabi ay hindi lang class D, kundi pati class upper C and lower C, which both have the buying power over these products. I think it is okay for them to consume texts like this if they want to because they have the freedom to, but the problem I see now is how certain niche reinforce the idea of producing these kinds of products with the same old archetype and formula over and over again.

Way way back before, the same old trend is booming in different media texts: funny gays making fun of themselves more, ugly people finding happiness in being beautiful, poor people finding solution by marrying someone who is reach, and the list goes on. Why isn’t there many books or films, whether it is a wattpad story, a short film, or whatever, that instead of telling people those escapist bullshits, they should tell people that our sense of beauty is fucked up, our sense of elevating poverty is too individualistic, that teenagers should study hard instead of pondering too much on love, and things like that. I would be a hypocrite if I tell that those ideal topics are the ones that I usually do, but it is just we are having too much of it. Same stories, same message, just with different arrangements and characters and places and medium and the like.

Also, these texts such as films and books whatever their value could shape the consciousness of the people. With these things booming here and there, do you want to see your future children dwelling too much on these ideologies. Instead of promoting emancipation, we promote false consciousness, like what Marx said. They stick into the people’s head, and not everyone can think critically for that.

Okay, alright. Why are we sticking our nose on these opinions of ours? I think it is just because we are struggling to prevent a span in our history, particularly film or media history, that would be revolving only on media texts that are produced just to cater the demands and not the needs. Yes, we are bitter with this reality.


Yes! That’s what I want to point out. Yung substance ng bawat artwork na minamass produce (technically, films are mass produced through its scheduled dates of showing and kung nationwide ba ito inii-screen or worldwide, even, or international). Sa panahon kasi ngayon, the more na mass-produced ang isang bagay, the more na nawawala yung substance.

Ang akala kasi ng iba biro-biro na lang ang pagpapublish ng libro ngayon, ang paggawa ng pelikula. They no longer look at the aspects na kailangang, well, if not prioritize, then ponder upon o iconsider. Na yung mga bagay na pinoproduce nila publicly ay nakakaapekto psychologically sa bawat audience nila. Lalo na ngayon, kabataan ang nangunguna sa bookstores, sa cinema. Hindi yata nila narerealize na kapag mababa ang substance ng isang bagay, mababang realisasyon lang din ang naibibigay nito sa mga viewers. Na hindi masustansya kadalasan ang nakukuha ng mga supporters. 

Ang ikinatatakot ko lang, katulad mo, eh yung next generation. Kapag lumaki tayo at naging mga magulang na rin, anong ituturo natin sa kanila? Mga bagay na puro tungkol sa pag-ibig? Mga bagay na hindi naman nila madadala paglaki nila? 

But we’re here. This is the period wherein every form of art and literature is being equally recognized with the others. Malapit nang mag-golden age ang art. Pero kung kailan naman malapit na, saka naman bumababa ang kalidad ng output ng ibang forms of art at literature. At nakakalungkot lang isipin na kinabukasan, wala ka nang makikitang bago. Wala ka nang mahahanap na dekalidad, na may matututunan kang mahalagang babaunin mo hanggang sa magka-anak at apo ka. Wala ka nang matututunang bago na makakapagpabago sa mundo sa magandang paraan. 

Kumbaga, pataas na tayo, pero andito pa rin tayo. Sa baba. Naghihikahos umakyat pero yung iba, takot yatang tahakin ang bagong mas magandang landas. 


But actually, the consumers are also at fault with this issue. Many of us just tend to patronize these things because we see that the norm patronizes it. Also, iyong iba naman, they just become bystanders without even giving their critiques or baka naman kasi wala talaga silang problema. Ang malala pa, kapag may mga tao na nage-express ng kanilang constructive criticism tungkol sa ganitong bagay, they tend to be harassed or bullied, kaya ang iba, nagpapa-spiral of silence nalang. Akala kasi ng iba, self righteous sila, pero in fact, gusto lang naman talaga ay i-express at magparticipate sa public discussion regarding how we can improve our condition tungkol sa mga ganitong usapin.

If more people will be more critical, edi sana ay nashe-shaken na ang system to produce better products. We must never underestimate media texts, kesyo sabihin nating we are just expressing or the like, kasi we should always keep in mind that these stories, movies, whatever today ay mga aparato na siyang maglilinang o magpapabulok ng kaisipan ng mga manunuod, mambabasa o consumers.

Marahil oo, umuusbong na ang kalinangan natin patungkol sa iba’t ibang uri ng art. There are many people who are already utilizing different means to try to produce art. Marami na ring avenues. Nandiyan na rin ang mga platforms tulad ng Tumblr at Wattpad na where we can produce emancipating texts that could shape the consciousness of the people. Iyong may mapupulot. Iyong kumbaga sa bulalo, may matsutsuptsup.

Pero kasi, based sa observation ko, babalik na naman tayo sa ating industriya, mapa-in general or individual approach, na hayok sa attention economy. Gusto nating pansinin parati, tangkilikin kaya we become afraid of producing things na baka hindi kagatin ng masa, hanggang ang nangyayari, we just exploit the people by making everything that we produce revolves around their interest. Wala nang layuning magdagdag kaalaman. Maglinang. Oo nga naman, paano makakagawa ng makabuluhang bagay kung walang pera at atensiyon at pangalan at kapangyarihan, kaso ang masaklap nga ay marami nang ganito ang ibang industriya, pero patuloy pa rin sa kanilang pansariling pagsasalsal. Diba? We tend to neglect investing on things na dapat talaga sana ay pinagkakagastusan.

May kaibigan nga ako, he told me that we are now entering a jeje culture. Na wala na nga ang physical manifestation ng mga jejemon dahil nademonize na sila, nanuot naman sila sa panlasa ng mga tao. Sabi iyon ng kaibigan ko. Hindi ko naman pinu-put into bad light ang mga jejemon kasi trip nila iyon, pero sobrang may tagos ang fact na iba na ang panlasa ngayon ng mga tao. Siyempre, ang mga tao nalang din ang makakasagot nun para sa sarili nila.

(via thediaryofayounglady)

April 16th
3:02 pm

You are the drug
I inject in my veins,
burn and sniff on a foil,
put under my tongue to dissolve,
roll on a joint, ignite, puff.

I hallucinate
burn, evaporate
like chemicals,
rolling under my sleeves,
darkening the eye balls
like paint dripping wet.

On sobering
periods, I want
a higher dosage
of you, my drug,
and everything
starts to revolve
because of
your presence.

I crave for more,
desire, delight,
I bleed to have
another puff,
pin, roll, sniff
of your existence.

-xxx, Zakk Habitan

April 16th
2:52 pm


Ang problema kasi, maraming mga tao ang nagstick na sa tipograpiyang dalawa lang ang tao sa munda: isang nagpapaloko, at isang nanloloko. Hindi ba nila na-realize na mayroong mga taong in-between sa dalawang extremes na iyan.

April 16th
2:48 pm

Random fact: I am proud of myself for never being involved in a third party relationship or whatever related to that.

April 16th
4:21 am

I hope that you won’t find me boring someday,
or that you won’t get tired being happy
because of me.

April 16th
4:19 am
Anonymous: what does she say with these things? to these memories you constantly lay out every night? what does she say?

No one needs to read it. No one needs to say anything about it. It is better that way. Hello dear anon. Good morning, and may you be happy.

April 16th
4:10 am


I’ve had a bad breakdown back then. Perhaps, it was your first time seeing me having a breakdown. We were hanging out at Moonleaf back then. After a while, we decided to go home in Marikina. It was one of your first few times, but you held me tight.

I was really drunk back then so I asked you to just come fetch me at that MRT station because I could not walk anymore. Actually, I sat under a lamp post and vomited there. You saw me, held me, and then walked me back home where you made me a hot bowl of noodles and when we danced to Hannah and Gabi’s Box Filled with Stories.

It was your first time to go in Marikina and I told you to wait for me in a corner. You were really excited back then, and I was, too. And I still am. We crossed that street as jaywalkers and you held my hands and I never fretted.

April 16th
2:36 am


Puta, ito ang ayaw ko sa mga ganitong oras e. Parang halo-halo ang mga alaala at mga emosyon mula sa iba’t ibang tao na tila gusto nilang sumiksik lang sa kukukote ko. Pwede ba isa isa lang? Mahina ang kalaban e. Iisa lang ang puso at utak ko para damhin at alalahanin ang mga kumakaripas na emosyon at alaala na lumulutang sa paligid ko ngayon. Nakakabaliw.

April 16th
2:25 am

"Ayokong natutulog ng hindi pa tayo ayos," you told that before. I hope that good things before last.

April 16th
2:17 am
Anonymous: Hello again. Last September, I wrote you a messy poem, to which you replied something beautiful. I thought I should write another one for you (it's still messy, though.). Here it is: It amazes me / how we never met at all / and yet, / with these written thoughts / and messy lines / somehow, in some way / our worlds are tangled- / haphazardly, / yet meant to be.

Hello! Yes, I could still remember that. I forced myself to remember that. And you know what, I still think of of who you really are. I want to know you. You could have saved me back then.

It amazes me
how we never met at all
and yet,
with these written thoughts
and messy lines
somehow, in some way
our worlds are tangled-
yet meant to be.

I am a mess,
unworthy of your words
for they would just perish
along with absence, my emptiness,
and yet, your lines
are the strings of hope
that I see at this time
when I am lost alone.