I am writing for you
because I want my pen
to bleed for you, scribbling
your name in between
every words I try to put
next to each other.

And I am writing for you,
all the words that I wanted
to tell you, and imagine
that the paper is your skin
and I want all our promises
tattooed in every parts
of your existence.

Baby, we will 
endure.

-Best; Zakk Habitan 

And you open your hands
and saw a hell-lot of
lines from everyday survival
against yourself whenever
you face at the mirror.

But trust me, in those
hands I want to fucking
put my hands, and hold
in until all the scars
mean nothing anymore,

because now you know,
despite of all your flaws,
I will stay.

-Palms; Zakk Habitan

7.24.2014

Gagawa tayo ng maraming mga alaala at ihahalintulad natin ang mga ito sa mga eroplanong papel.

Ang mga simpleng bagay, na parang papel, ay lalagdaan natin ng mga marka, ng mga bakat, ng mga ngiti at alalaa nating dalawa. Iguguhit natin dito kung paano natin sinakop ang sangsinukob. Itatala natin ang lahat ng ating mga kuwento sa bawat piraso ng papel na dahan dahan nating titiklupin, tutupiin, at ihuhulma hanggang maging isang pirasong eroplanong papel.

Mahaba, matagal, pero masaya ang paggawa ng eroplanong papel. Tulad ng ating paglalakbay.

At sa tuwina, mapupuno ang himpapawid ng mga nagliliparang mga papel. Hindi tayo titigil sa paggawa dahil hindi natin hahayaang mahubdan mula ang kalangitan, na ayokong muling matanaw ang kahabdan ng himpapawid ng walang ni isang parte mo rito.

Tandaan mo na ang ating pag-iibigan ay parang paggawa ng eroplanong papel. Gaano palang ba tayo kaaga para mapuno na kaagad ang himpapawid ng isa’t isa. Huwag kang mag-alala. Patuloy tayong gagawa ng eroplanong papel - ako at ikaw.

Mahal na mahal kita.

You are always the first person to cross my mind - when I wake up, before I sleep, after I go out of work, before I eat and everything else. I told you, we will create many memories, many great memories. I do love you.

(Source: Spotify)

7.23.2014

Tuwing naiisip kita kapag magkalayo tayo ay para akong isang bombang gustong sumabog. Na para bang punong puno ako ng ligaya at saya at pangungulila at pagmamahal na hindi ko sila kayang pagsisiksikan sa aking katawan, kung kaya ay sa mga ganitong pagkakataon, sana ay kapiling kita upang mayayakap kita ng sobrang higpit, at mahahalikan ng maraming beses, at masasabihan ng kung gaano kita kamahal at kung gaano ka kahalaga sa akin, at mapapasaya, at mahahawakan ang iyong mga kamay ng mahigpit at maraming maraming marami pang magagandang mga bagay.

Kaya nga kanina, sabi ko, sana ay walang pasok para sana magkayakap lang tayo buong magdamag, hanggang gabi, hanggang sa tuwina.

“dear kuya Jake, I don't know if you do remember me, but we used to talk long before I deleted my old blog. Then I decided to create one to escape. Right now, I am so lost, that I just want to fade away. Is there a way to scrape empathy off skin? I cared so much, that I happened to forget about myself... I just wish not to care all. If I happened to change my attitude, I know it will only make matters worse.”
— asked by Anonymous

Hello. Maybe if you go off anon, I will be able to know you again. Anyway, I’ve been there and yes, it sucks. That you cared for someone so much that you have allowed yourself to change, whether through conscious efforts or not, until you don’t know yourself anymore that after everything has been dropped on the ground, you have nothing more to keep to yourself. It is sad, yes, but don’t let the whole equation change you to who you really are, to someone you won’t like in the future. If you want to not care at all and to just forget yourself, you will just get the damage to yourself even worse. Don’t let the fuckeries in life change you into someone, to make you shut yourself from the world. Instead, go back to being the way you were before - caring, loving, kind, and continue on giving it to people despite your stigma that everything will go unappreciated. Just go on, and somehow, people will know your worth, and eventually, someone will tell you how much you are appreciated, and how much you are loved, and that someone can also be yourself. I hope that you have a great day always, okay? Good morning!

7.23.2014

I love the thought of you loving me. I love the way you are sweet and concerned to me. I love you for being happy with me and me being happy with you. I love the fact that I know that you are there missing me and always wanting to be with me. I love the way you make every morning great, every after office hours exciting, and every minute special whenever we are together. I love you for so many reasons, but most of all, I love you because I love you.

“BOOM! Active na ulit si Kuya JAke :) haha”
— asked by Anonymous

Boom panes kinamay! Hahahaha. Sakto lang. Nagkataon lang na nagkaroon ako ng ilang free time sa office kanina. And yeah, may internet na rin kasi sa condo so yehey! Magandang gabi!

“Hi Jake. Alam mo, sobrang natutuwa ako sa mga posts mo lately. Nararamdaman kong masaya ka nga, kahit na minsan nagdududa ako kung totoo ba na masaya ka talaga (sorry kung ganito ako huhu). Pero sana masaya ka talaga. Natutuwa ako at in love ka at inspired na inspired ka. Ibang iba sa dating ikaw e. Hehehe salamat sa patuloy na pagpopost at pag iinspire sa iba. Seryoso. Keep on writing, and lemme just add that I really admire your attitude towards your anons. Good afternoon! :) -tl”
— asked by Anonymous

Hi dear TL. Naks, ang sweet mo naman. Pero seryoso, yes, I am happy and inspired and everything right now. I guess this is what you really should feel when someone appreciates you so much, and proves to you that you are loved. Okay, basta masaya ako, at masaya ako sa lahat ng nangyayari, at masaya rin ako dahil may mga taong tulad mo. Naks, oo naman, hindi ako titigil magsulat at I will always do my best to inspire people because that is the least that I can do to at least make this world a better place for you and for me and the entire human race. O diba, Michael Jackson. haha. Magandang gabi sa iyo, at salamat sa mabubuting salita. Magiingat ka parati ha. Be happy!

Epic Snow Party at Imperial Ice Bar
7.22.2014

Toblerone’s Snowtop had its Epic Snow Party last Friday at Imperial Ice Bar. The place was so cool and definitely cold, and also has a lotsa lotsa delicious food, and Toblerone chocolates. Yey!

I was with the Manila Bulletin peeps. Then, it happened that we took a wefie and then one of the mechanics of the night was to have as many wefie as possible so we became wefie models for the rest of the bar people to follow. Haha.

And then my friend one another Toblerone bar so we had another photobomb. And since we were the closest to the stage and DJs, we had another photobomb. So hooray for that.

Then, we went inside the ice bar. It was around -5c cold. And we have had a choco mule something in ice shot glass. And we played with the ice sculptures until we were already numb from the extreme coldness.

Then, there was also snow!

It was a great night. After a while, my other officemates followed and we had fun inside the bar for a while. Hooray!

Great night is great night!

Open Mic at Sev’s last Saturday and then Lasingan
7.22.2014

So, this was the scenario: Dayn needed to leave early, and Vinno got really drunk, and Karen, Romey and Ant have the hormones raging, and my boss watched me do a slam, and I was drunk, yes, and I was drunk slamming. O well, papel. Hahaha.

And take note, we have Toblerone as our pulutan. For the win. There were really great poets that night - too much feels, too much everything. Sayang, Dayn and I were not able to do our partner slam, but maybe next time. Horayt!

After drinking at Sev’s until around 1 in the morning, we grabbed a taxi and went to Cubao to still drink at Future X Future and Expo. Okay, drunkards, we are. Too bad, I was not able to join them any longer at Cubao.

By the way, I saw kuya Ralph there, too!

You have seen the worst of me -
the time when the sun shines
backward; when the wind
howls like it wants to eat
everything; the cracks of
the fragile skin; the holes
in my ground; the shakening
of my entirety, and yet, you
still tried to stay, through the
walls I have built, despite the
water has gone deep, despite
the fire has gone wild, and despite
when all the electricity fails,
you still stayed, and helped
me through all these shits.

-To Dayn; Zakk Habitan

“sobrang loser ko.”
— asked by Anonymous

Hello dear anon. Loser sa anong bagay? Tandaan mo, we are the only ones who can determine how we have become losers or champions. Napaka subjective niyan sa tao. If you think that you are a loser because of something na hindi mo nagawa, or ilang pagkukulang mo, well then loser ka nga to look down on youself like that. Tandaan mo, you have many potentials. Na out of the things that you see na nagpaparamdam sa iyo na loser ka, there are more things that can tell you that no, you are not a loser - isipin mo nalang, ilan na ba ang napangiti mo, ang napasaya mo ang araw, ang natulungan mo in whatever way, kung paano ka nakagawa ng difference. Loser pa bang matatawag ang sarili mo? :) Good afternoon!

“Bakit ngiti ka ng ngiti nung meeting habang nagtetext? Inlove ka ba?”
— asked by Anonymous

Hahahaha. Which meeting? I don’t remember anything about that, but yeah, I am in love. :)

“sana marunong din akong magenglish.”
— asked by Anonymous

Hello! Lahat naman marunong mag-English ano ka ba, sadyang iyong iba ay mas mahusay lang talaga sa atin. Nako, we can always keep on improving our self din sa ganitong larangan. And don’t get it into your head - being able to speak in English does not always determine your worth, okay? Good afternooon!